By Chris Cosci

Recently, I stopped at "Parrots of the World," a pet store near my home that specializes in parrots (in case that wasn't obvious). There's a large room where parrots roam outside of their cages and you can walk up to them, pet them and let them climb onto your arm. Then you can let them bite you, pull at your clothing and, if you're really lucky, leave a little white souvenir on your shoulder. If you need any proof, you just have to see the store owner's shirt, which looks like something pulled from the Alfred Hitchcock wardrobe department.

Of course, the store has more than just parrots. There are dogs, cats, fish, hamsters, rabbits, snakes - just about any pet you could possible want. But there is one animal that the store does not have. I think you'll agree that it's atrocious and downright shameful for such a reputable store to leave out such an important creature: the alpaca.

Alpacas resemble llamas, with more hair and shorter legs, and are actually in the same family as llamas and other ruminants. One of the distinguishing features of ruminants is that they chew cud, which is previously swallowed food that has been regurgitated for chewing. Already makes you want to by a whole pack of these critters, doesn’t it?

However, unlike true ruminants, evolution short-changed the alpacas and only gave them three stomachs instead of the four required to be a member of the official ruminant club. Therefore, alpacas have had to go through life as outcasts - ruminant wannabes roaming around with fourth-stomach envy.

Yet the furry alpaca has become the precious pet of choice for families across the United States. If you don't believe me, you can check out ILoveAlpacas.com, a site devoted to the fast-growing alpaca industry. Aside from being informational, the site is practically a shrine to alpacas, glorifying them as though they were the greatest discovery in the history of mankind. The site talks about how much the Incan civilization "cherished" alpacas, and how their fleece was considered "The Fiber of the Gods." It also pays tribute to the alpaca's troubled past, when Spanish conquistadors killed a large part of both the Incan and the alpaca populations. It was a bad time to be an alpaca.

But alpacas endured and are now, according to the site, "a beloved part of the North American landscape." The site continues to endorse alpacas as more than just pets, but as a "lifestyle choice," adding "a dimension to family life that many find to be just what they have been looking for." The site also points out how people enjoy sharing family activities with alpacas. It doesn't specify what activities, but I'm guessing Scrabble is out of the picture.

Just in case you still aren't sold on the idea of owning an alpaca, the site makes sure to stress how huggable alpacas are by not only stating it, but having plenty of pictures showing a young girl hugging an alpaca. And if that isn't enough, the site adds that alpacas are "small and gentle enough to travel short distances in the family minivan." The automobile industry never seems to mention that in their commercials. They're missing an untapped sector of the population. Maybe soon, car companies will proudly claim, "roomy enough to comfortably seat seven adults - or four adults and an alpaca."

Now, before you start running to your local pet shop and demanding an alpaca, I should let you know that alpacas require just a little more space than your average two-story house in the suburbs. Even though they may be short and gentle enough to sleep comfortably in the guest bedroom, the average alpaca farm is a little under 10 acres.

So, first you have to sell your home and move to the country. Then, you too can discover the joys and wonders of owning your very own alpaca, at least until the fad dies down and everybody starts raising giraffes.