By Chris Cosci

This year's Oscar show was an exercise in efficiency and fast pacing. Too bad it was also an exercise in tedium and predictability. While there were some enjoyable moments, the show just wasn't that interesting.

The show felt like it was taken over by producers from MTV, as if they were trying to make the Oscars appealing to younger viewers. Ironically, despite the appearance of Chris Rock, Beyonce, and Sean "P. Diddy" Combs, it seemed to have as much teen appeal as a twelve-hour seminar on Social Security. Adding insult to injury, this approach had to have some adverse effect on the regular Oscar audience, too. It truly is a remarkable feat to alienate two separate audiences at the same time.

Some might want to blame new host Chris Rock, which wouldn't be entirely fair. You had to expect Chris Rock would be a little edgy. Sure enough, with his abrasive delivery, he took shots at anyone and anything in his path. Still, while many audience members (and I'm sure many home viewers) enjoyed his material, he wasn't the ideal host. He definitely had some great moments, but a few of his shots seemed too hard-hitting for what is supposed to be a celebratory evening. While it was certainly amusing to hear him cheekily introduce Halle Berry as the star of the "eagerly anticipated Catwoman 2," his random, harsh attacks on Tobey Maguire and Jude Law felt over-the-top.

Not that this excuses Sean Penn, who apparently had surgery recently to remove his personality. With his humorless retort to the Jude Law comments and his no-tie, shirt-open, I-just-got-here-two-minutes-ago-and-got-dressed-in-the-car look, Penn is going to need some serious PR work.

One of Rock's highlights was a pre-recorded clip of him interviewing theatergoers about last year's movies. However, the biggest laugh in that bit came from Albert Brooks who, after saying he saw this year's Best Picture nominees, glared at the camera and defiantly declared the critically panned flop White Chicks to be the best movie of the year.

As if being upstaged by Albert Brooks wasn't enough, Rock also got one-upped by Jeremy Irons. Rock got a well-deserved laugh by introducing the reserved, often dramatic Irons as a "comedic genius." But Irons proved Rock unintentionally correct by gleefully replying that he was glad to be finally recognized, then making a sharp, quick-witted response to an unexpected bang from off stage ("I hope they missed"). It was that kind of spontaneity that was missing from the rest of the evening.

And that was the biggest problem - nothing really exciting happened. There were no shocking winners. No real surprises. For a show honoring entertainment, it was surprisingly short on entertainment. It was completely predictable and totally safe. It almost makes one yearn to hear Michael Moore rant about Bush again, just to break the monotony. Even the fashion was boring. There were no Kidman-esque jaw-droppers, and no Bjork-ish fiascoes. It was as if everybody was in on the bland conspiracy.

There were a few other missteps this year. Beyonce looked great (despite some questionable outfit choices) and sounded fine performing three of the Best Song nominees, but where were the original performers? And why did Antonio Banderas perform a song when the original and eventual award-winning performer was right in the audience the whole time? Of course, that performer got his revenge when accepting the award by using his entire acceptance speech to sing a verse himself. Nonetheless, Banderas still sounded better than Adam Duritz, whose pitchy singing made for a weak performance of the normally energetic song, "Accidentally in Love."

Another odd decision was having all nominees for certain awards (e.g., Sound Editing and Costume Design) gathered together on stage. Winners accepted their award onstage and non-winners walked quietly back to their seats. While it certainly helped the show's pacing and gave these craftsmen some well-deserved camera time, the losing nominees must have felt awkward being paraded on stage only to be sent back to their seats empty-handed.

If that wasn't strange enough, some awards were presented offstage. Presenters walked into the audience next to nominees' seats. Winners then spoke into a microphone placed in the aisle. It was if the producers were saying, "we don't think you're important enough to stand on our stage."

As for the awards themselves, I was glad the under-nominated Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind at least got an award for Best Screenplay. I was also glad to see The Incredibles take home two deserved awards. Still, nothing could make up for such a tiresome broadcast. The producers have a long year to think about what went wrong and how they can fix it. Otherwise, the Oscars are in danger of becoming the biggest event that nobody watches anymore.