By Chris Cosci

For some, not making love for a long stretch of time can lead to frustration and occasional depression. For those without a partner, there are services that offer to fill this void for the right amount of money. Many of these services are offered in brothels across the world. Karl-Friedrich Lenze, a performance artist in Germany, has recently applied for a license to open a new brothel in Berlin. There's just one catch: you have to be a dog to enter - literally.

Over the years, many companies have started offering all sorts of products and services for dogs and other pets. There are dog clothes, pet hotels and bakeries that make fresh-baked dog snacks. In view of the growing personification of dogs, it seemed inevitable that somebody would eventually set up a dog prostitution ring.

Now, female dogs no longer have to stand on Berlin street corners with their fishnet stockings and high-paw boots. They no longer have to peddle (or is it poodle?) their wares to lonely weiner dogs so they can collect their Deutschmarks and pay off their pimps, the German shepherds.

Lenze's establishment will provide these hussi...um...huskies with a legitimate home to perform their animal activities. According to plans, the brothel would offer different types of dogs in both sexes, allowing paid customers to experience a whole new breed of pleasure. The plans also include the construction of a "bar," where customers can mingle with the clientele and select their own partner in traditional dog fashion - by sniffing.

Details have not been disclosed on what the rooms will look like. I picture an intimate setting with bacon-scented candles lining the windowsills. On the wall is a picture of dogs playing poker. In one corner, there's a small pet bed in the shape of a heart. In the other corner, a small stereo unit playing "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

Lenze proudly claims that his establishment would be the first of its kind anywhere in the world. He chose Berlin because, as he states, Berlin is the dog capital of Germany (doesn't everybody know that?). Still, if this idea succeeds, we may start seeing a pet brothel boom. Cats, hamsters and parrots will start selling their bodies in houses across the globe.

For now, the lure is strictly for the dogs. The brothel will charge $27 for a half hour of puppy love. While this probably includes some heavy petting, it's unclear whether customers will have to pay extra for the use of squeaky toys. And because dogs don't usually walk around with cash in their wallets, they'll have to turn to their owners to pay the fees.

According to Lenze, dogs are just like people. "If dogs can't get what they want, they get cranky." Maybe these brothels are just what lonely dogs need. We just have to hope that this promiscuous behavior doesn't drive dogs to start trying other human habits. If dogs become too comfortable in the human-like world, they might start showing up at Oktoberfest, knocking back a few steins and smoking imported cigars.

Perhaps this is yet another sign of how passionate people can be about their pets. Maybe it's a legitimate solution to a complex psychological problem in dogs. Then again, it could just be the scheme of some nutcase with too much time on his hands.