By Chris Cosci

Whenever you have a problem, people are always happy to give you advice. It doesn't seem to matter whether you ask for it or not. But when you have a really big problem, it's always a good idea to call on the professionals. For many years, people have turned to Dear Abby for advice. However, a recent letter got pulled before it ever got published.

Here's the situation. A woman received a rather insensitive gift from her husband for her birthday. It was a bowling ball... drilled to fit his fingers... with his name on it. It was obvious that the gift was never really intended for her, but she decided to use it anyway - just for spite.

So, she moseyed on down to the bowling alley, where she met a handsome bowling instructor. She started to fall in love with the instructor and was considering leaving her oaf of a husband. That is when she turned to Dear Abby for advice.

Dear Abby crafted a simple response to the woman, suggesting that she talk with her husband about why she started the affair. Abby suggested that "to save the marriage, he might be willing to change back to the man who bowled you over in the first place." Oh, those clever puns. That's how you know you're talking to a real professional.

Now some of you may be reading this situation and thinking to yourself, "my goodness, that sounds like some great material for a sitcom." If this is what you were thinking, then it means one of two things. Either you are an insensitive dolt who has no respect for the trials and tribulations of others, or you are a Simpsons fan.

You see, any Simpsons fan knew exactly where this story was going before the end of the second paragraph. The letter is a precise summary of a popular Simpsons episode called "Life on the Fast Lane." (Dear Abby isn't the only person fond of bowling puns - I'll try to spare you any of my own... oops, too late.)

Interestingly enough, in the letter to Dear Abby and the Simpsons episode, the husbands both find out about the affair by discovering a bowling glove given as a gift from the bowling instructor to the wife. Obviously, whoever wrote the letter made no attempt to be original. Oh, wait - she did call the husband "Gene" instead of "Homer." How creative.

One would assume that whoever wrote the letter was trying to get a little attention. What could be better than pulling a hoax on one of the most popular advice columnists? And it almost worked, because Abby apparently wasn't familiar with the Simpsons episode. I guess when you're supposed to have the answers to everything, you just don't have time to watch television.

But one newspaper editor did spot the eerie similarities, and the column was pulled. Once again, the media managed to stop some crazy individual from succeeding at a desperate attempt for attention. Instead, they singled out the letter and wrote entire articles about it. That'll teach her.

Of course, one has to wonder, what if this wasn't a hoax? What if some poor woman is actually having a personal crisis that just happens to be exactly like a television show? Instead of getting the help she needs, her situation is being exploited for its trivial connection to pop culture. Now she really will need to see a psychiatrist. I would suggest Dr. Marvin Monroe. (And somewhere out there, maybe a dozen Simpsons fans are laughing.)