By Chris Cosci

Have you ever read an article that was filled with so many complex words that you needed a dictionary just to get through it? Have you ever received a company memo that took 20 pages to make one simple point? Have you ever signed a legal agreement that was drowning in such convoluted terms as herein, thereof and forthwith?

If you have suffered from these or other similar situations, you will be happy to hear about a group called the Plain English Campaign. Since 1979, the Plain English Campaign has been fighting for the removal of jargon and legal mumbo-jumbo in written communication. The group, consisting of 6000 registered supporters in 70 countries, encourages people to write in sentences that can be clearly understood after just one reading.

Their Web site is filled with great examples, including the following one from an actual trust deed (Warning: if your head begins to throb while reading this example, just skip to the next paragraph; I will not be held responsible for any brain explosions):

"The Settler hereby assigns unto the Original Trustees who, by their execution hereof accept the position of trustees, each of the policy or policies, particulars whereof are set out in the Schedule hereto, and the monies assured thereby and all other monies which may become payable in respect of the said policy or policies…"

And that's just the first half of the sentence! This type of language continues through to the second half, and most likely appears throughout the entire trust deed. I can't imagine that anyone signing this deed has any idea what that sentence is actually saying. Heck, I would be surprised if the person writing it has any idea.

In fact, I wonder how tempting it is for legal minds to add in extra clauses that would go unnoticed due to the complete lack of clarity. Something like, "The Settler shall hereupon provide the trustees with a mesocricetus auratus per diem until all settlements have come to a conclusion." This would potentially provide wonderful material in court.

"Your honor, I would like to point out that the defendant clearly violated the contract by failing to comply with section G.23(d) of the contract. Not once during the settlement did she provide my client with the daily hamster to which he was entitled."

Of course, legalese and doublespeak are not the only targets of the Plain English Campaign. They have also set their sights on overused cliches and sayings. Recently, they released the results of an informal survey to find the most irritating phrase in the English language. The winner? "At the end of the day."

Personally, I think this phrase ranks much lower than some of the other entries on their list. I go into convulsions hearing "pushing the envelope" or "thinking outside the box" long before "at the end of the day" bothers me.

And there are some entries on the list that I don't really understand. For example, "basically." How exactly is this overused and irritating? And then there is "bear with me." Is this really driving people crazy? Meanwhile, such worthy entries as "reinventing the wheel" and "giving 110%" are nowhere to be found.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what is on the list and what is not. The point is, we need to keep things simple. Using the tips provided by the Plain English Campaign, we should keep our sentences short, avoid jargon, and use positive language. And I promise to do my best to follow these rules. Anything else would just be ignominious.