By Chris Cosci

Every wrongdoing has its punishment, whether it's being sent to your room without dinner or being sent to Sing Sing to share a cell with some guy named Bubba. Yet the threat of prison doesn't seem to have the power to stop people from committing crimes anymore. What we need is something that really scares people and will make them truly reconsider their actions.

If recent events give any indication, there may be an easy solution - banning people from restaurants. This really seems to bother a lot of people. Take the couple in Florida who were charged with stealing a lobster from a local Red Lobster. Everything was proceeding smoothly until the couple was told they were going to be banned from the restaurant. That pushed them over the edge, causing them to start fighting with the police. The threat of no more Red Lobster outweighed the threat of fines and jail time.

And if you think that was just a one-shot deal, you would be mistaken. In Ohio, a 59-year-old woman was recently arrested and charged with public indecency, along with her 70-year-old companion, for performing lewd acts in a booth at Hardee's. Go ahead - try getting that image out of your head.

While the couple accepted the arrest, it was the punishment of being banned from Hardee's that reportedly appalled the woman. Perhaps in this case the woman felt like she was being denied a prime location for making love. Of course, if you're really that turned on at a fast food joint, there may be other issues to worry about.

But there seems to be something about being banned from a restaurant that really bothers people. Maybe it's the inevitable humiliation of having to say to somebody, "I'm sorry, I can't go to Hardee's with you; I've been banned." Then you would have to deal with the looks that express a mixture of "I'm sorry to hear that" and "what could you possibly have done to get banned from a Hardee's?"

I think every crime, regardless of the nature, should have some sort of restaurant-banning clause. The restaurant would have to be frequently visited by the guilty party, but nothing too upscale - otherwise people could just blame the prudish owners. Just imagine how many people would stop and consider this before doing anything illegal.

"Hey, you can't steal that! You could get arrested and go to jail."

"Yeah... So?"

"And you'll never be allowed to eat in a Friendly's again."

"Oh, man! Let's get out of here and go rescue some kittens or something."

This could change our entire strategy for crime reduction. We could even use this theory to modify the Scared Straight program used for disobedient kids. Instead of bringing them into prisons to confront real convicts, we'll sit them down with people banned from McDonald's. You can watch the horror on their face as they hear the grueling stories.

"I haven't had a Big Mac in 10 years. And sometimes I see people walking down the streets, throwing away half-filled French fry containers. I feel like reaching down into that garbage can and pulling out those fries. I would savor each one, letting the flavor linger in my mouth. Oh, to be able to just taste one of those fries again. Never again, they told me. Banned for life. It's so hard... so hard..."

And as the man breaks down in tears, the kids will run back to their homes, begging their friends and family for forgiveness. Ruthless? Perhaps. But when we're living in a world where people steal lobsters and get it on in fast food joints, ruthless might be just what we need.