By Chris Cosci

Life is filled with mysteries, many of which deal with the differences between men and women. No matter how much we learn, men are never able to fully understand women, and vice versa. This conflict has provided comedic fodder for countless sitcoms and movies, and has been the subject of hundreds of books by renowned psychologists. Yet we are no closer to understanding each other now than we ever were. In fact, I would say that all these books and movies have only made things more complicated, creating an even greater lack of understanding.

While I certainly can't provide any clarity to this situation, I have no problem adding fuel to the fire. Forget all of the standard issues such as "why can't guys ever stop to ask for directions?" or "why do women always go to the bathroom in groups?" Those are easy to deal with. (For the record, guys like taking the scenic route and women need a private space to gather and talk about how stupid guys are.) Instead, I would like to address the topic of health care products.

If you haven't noticed, health care products are taking over the world. It's so out of control that a single item like shampoo can take up an entire aisle at a drug store. That's because there has to be a shampoo for every conceivable type of hair: dry, mostly dry, somewhat dry, a little oily, mostly oily, partly oily with a chance of flakes.

And it doesn't end there. People are no longer satisfied with shampoo that smells like shampoo or body soap that smells like body soap. These products need to come in a hundred different scents so that people can smell like anything but a human being. This is where we find another distinction between men and women.

Women's products typically come in flowery or fruity aromas. In fact, browsing the women's products is like walking through a garden or fruit market. A woman can choose fruity scents such as apple, orange or watermelon. If she's in a floral mood, there's lavender, rose petal and sunflower -- like anyone who smells her hair can tell the difference.

Then there are ambiguous scents such as sweet temptation or moonlight bliss. I have to think that the companies create the scent first and then pay some marketing firm to come up with a clever name. It would be absurd the other way around. Can you imagine working in a lab and being asked to create a body wash that smells like sunshine delight? Actually, that would probably be a dream come true. There's no way you could fail. Nobody could say to you, "that doesn't smell like sunshine delight." How would they know?

Whatever the scents are called, women still have a lot of options. For men, it's not quite as easy. Most men don't want to walk around smelling like a spring bouquet or peaches and cream. The trouble is, most scents are considered feminine. There are scents that are more masculine, but no guy is going to shower with barbecue-scented shampoo.

This challenge has led companies to come up with the most ridiculous so-called "scents." If you ever look at the men's deodorant aisle, you'd see that our choices include such bizarre scents as glacier and avalanche. What exactly does a glacier smell like? Isn't it just a giant block of ice -- one of the most odorless substances on the planet? And how do you determine the scent of an avalanche? I can picture some marketing executive saying, "I remember being buried underneath two feet of snow during an avalanche. I was trapped for two days, lost all my toes to frostbite and nearly died. But oh, the smell! If only I could bottle that smell and slather it under my arms just one more time."

I'm sure most men don't care that they have such limited options. I'm also sure that they don't care whether they smell like rolling rapids or arctic breeze. It's really not that important. And women probably don't care what scent the guy chooses, either. Then again, maybe I'm wrong about that. In that case, I'm sure the women out there will gladly mock me during their next bathroom break.