By Chris Cosci

Last summer, one of the most popular songs on the radio, for reasons that defy explanation, was "The Thong Song," a novelty single by Sisqo. This masterpiece (sample lyric: "thong, thong, thong, thong, thong.") was written in tribute to the popular and very revealing article of clothing, which doesn't leave little to the imagination - it eliminates the need for imagination altogether.

Little did Sisqo know that one year later, his object of adoration would be at the center of not one, but two major controversies.

The first controversy involves popular retail clothing manufacturer Abercrombie & Fitch. Controversy is not a new concept for A&F. In the past, it has been targeted for selling racist t-shirts and t-shirts that promote unsafe drinking habits, and for including inappropriate material in its catalog including scantily clad children in suggestive poses and an interview with a porn star (always a good sales booster for a clothing company).

Instead of learning from these experiences (or maybe its associates are just incompetent morons), A&F recently unveiled a line of thongs - for pre-teens. A&F defended itself by pointing out that the smallest size available was medium, a size aimed at girls no younger than 10 years old. The underwear was decorated with pictures and little sayings such as "wink wink" and "eye candy." A spokesperson for A&F said, "the underwear for young girls was created with the intention to be light-hearted and cute. Any misinterpretation of that is purely in the eye of the beholder." I think the "eye of the beholder" refers to any human being with half a brain.

For a minute, let's forget the overall bad idea of having 10-year-old girls walking around wearing thongs. Instead, let's look at the concept of having cute sayings on the thongs. From my understanding, due to the limited material used in creating thongs, there wouldn't be a lot of space for these phrases. When worn, I think it would require unnatural scrutiny to read them. I don't want to think about some kid saying, "I can't read what that says, could you open your legs a little more so I can see it better?"

Making matters worse, protesters are upset because they believe A&F was lying to them by making false claims about discontinuing the line. Randy Sharp, a spokesperson for the American Family Association, said, "I spoke to them and they told me they pulled it." Perhaps, in its report to Sharp, A&F was referring to yanking something else.

Meanwhile, in San Diego, CA, another thong controversy was started at Rancho Bernardo High School. Last month, at a school dance, vice principal Rita Wilson took extreme measures in showing concern for her students. At previous dances, Wilson noticed students using suggestive and sexually explicit dance moves, especially in the style of "freak dancing." When the female students wore skirts that were too short, they would often have their... uh... hind quarters exposed.

Wilson decided it would be appropriate to prevent girls from exposing themselves while dancing. The thought was good. Her method was a little unorthodox.

As girls entered the dance, Wilson lifted their skirts, regardless of who else was standing around, and made sure the girls were wearing appropriate undergarments. Any girl wearing a thong was turned away. Apparently, this made a few people unhappy - who would have guessed?

Wilson defended her actions by claiming, "this was a safety issue." Personally, I always thought safety issues were brought up to prevent injury or death, but what do I know? Regardless of Wilson's intentions, parents have demanded she be fired. Currently, Wilson is on administrative leave while the district investigates the case, and I think you know exactly where the district will start their investigation, "wink wink."