By Chris Cosci

The Lord of the Rings trilogy is among the most popular works of fantasy fiction ever written. J. R. R. Tolkien used his imagination to create an elaborate and intricate world filled with a diverse collection of beings and creatures. Recently, these revered books have been adapted into an epic series of acclaimed films. But for some people, there's still something missing. They need something else to give them the complete Lord of the Rings experience. They need... Lord of the Rings: The Musical.

Yes, nothing can express the true spirit and emotion of Lord of the Rings more than having the hobbits, elves and men break out into a chorus line before storming into battle. And this inevitable production is expected to make its way to London's West End in 2005. Can't you see it? On the stage, men are standing around with swords, axes and bows. They start talking about the impending war and the music begins.

[sung to the tune of "Oklahoma"]
Oooooooooorcs are coming
down the hills and crashing through the plains.
And they'll battle on
for Saruman
'cause they know that wizard is insaaaaaaaaaane.

And as the song reaches its finale, arrows start flying across the stage and the battle begins. Men in hideous masks dance onto the stage, and the entire cast starts moving in a choreographed dance of death and destruction. Why didn't anybody think of this before?

Actually, anybody who has read the books can plainly see how they naturally fit the mold of a musical. The story is often interrupted by hobbits randomly singing one of their hobbit songs. It's as if Tolkien had a musical in mind the whole time.

Lord of the Rings will be the most expensive musical to be produced in the London area. At a cost of roughly $13 million, it calls for a cast of about 50 people, a full orchestra and elaborate sets. But unlike in the movies, the computer-generated Gollum will probably wind up being played by a human actor. That's too bad. Now he'll probably look really fake.

As many theatergoers know, this would not be the first time someone tried to create a musical from such an unexpected source. After all, who would have ever expected that The Producers, based on the Mel Brooks film, would become one of the most successful Broadway musicals of all time?

On the other hand, some may recall what many theater authorities refer to as one of the most remarkable fiascos in theater history - Carrie: The Musical. That's right. Somebody once thought it would be a brilliant idea to turn the Stephen King horror story, about a telekinetic teenager who blows up her senior prom, into a Broadway musical. And while the idea may seem flawless on paper, the result was one of the biggest failures to ever hit the stage.

But if Lord of the Rings is successful, this could open the doors for other outlandish musicals. Before long, Broadway will be home to Star Wars: Dance of the Jedis and The Matrix Rechoreographed.

Also, there would be no stopping further Lord of the Rings projects. After print, film and stage, the only thing left would be television. Perhaps some television producers will pick up the rights to a Lord of the Rings sitcom. It could involve the madcap events that occur when a wacky dwarf moves into the hobbits' community. Hilarity would ensue.

Which path will the Lord of the Rings follow? Only time will tell. But if I can make one suggestion to the producers, make sure the lyrics never include the line "we're off to see the wizard."