By Chris Cosci

Dolphins are one of the most adored creatures on Earth. There are many resorts that offer tourists the experience of petting, feeding and sometimes even swimming with dolphins. Recently, at a resort in Weymouth, England, tourists were able to experience a whole new aspect of dolphin life - mating.

Georges, a 10-year-old bottlenose dolphin, has been a major attraction for thousands of visitors to Weymouth since he arrived there this past April. People have taken boats out to watch him and swim with him. However, there is growing concern about Georges' behavior, prompting experts to warn tourists against getting close to him.

Supposedly, Georges is suffering from sexual frustration. This frustration has resulted in very erratic behavior, as he has started to aggressively approach divers. It is also reported that he has developed an inexplicable fascination for boat propellers, which has led to several injuries. This just goes to show that no matter how intelligent dolphins may be, they can be just as stupid as humans when sexually frustrated.

Although women would probably consider Georges to be a better mate than most of his human counterparts, it was decided that, for safety reasons, he couldn't stay. So, marine mammal expert Ric O'Barry was called in to help lure Georges away from the harbor. O'Barry works with the World Society for the Protection of Animals, and more importantly, he worked on the TV show "Flipper."

O'Barry has reported that Georges is sexually aggressive and has already attempted to mate with some divers. Unable to speak, Georges can't use any time-tested pick up lines, so he has to resort to other methods. O'Barry states that Georges tries to isolate a swimmer, "normally female." He does this by circling around the swimmer, and then gradually moving the swimmer away from the shore and other people. When he finally finds that nice, quiet place where he can be alone with his date, Georges will get very excited and will start trying to, let's say, breed a whole new species. Unfortunately, due to his weight (estimated at 400 pounds), he is capable of drowning his partner - a major turnoff for most people.

Experts assume that Georges is originally from the waters near France. (How about that - a French male sexually harassing women. I haven't heard that one before.) The plan is to return Georges to France because there it is illegal to swim with dolphins. So far, O'Barry has been unsuccessful. If you ask me, he is overlooking an obvious solution: Sonya Fitzpatrick, the pet psychic.

Fitzpatrick is a member of the growing society of people who should be checked in for psychiatric treatment, but instead are given their own television show. Fitzpatrick's show recently debuted on the Animal Planet network. She claims that animals communicate telepathically with her by sending her mental images. Far be it from me to brag, but I have some skill in animal telepathy myself. I can read the mind of my parents' dog. Of course, her mind is always saying the same thing: "Gimme a cookie. Gimme a cookie."

Anyway, it's pretty hard to prove Fitzpatrick is lying, since she's the only one who can supposedly hear what the animals are saying. The only thing we can rely on is common sense. However, regardless of whether you believe her or not, she can be sent to England, where she can talk with Georges and discover the root of his aggression. Perhaps Fitzpatrick will uncover some Freudian connection involving Georges' mother.

Whatever the solution is, let's hope they find it before Georges actually succeeds in his bizarre mission. Otherwise, he might find his dolphin buddies and start bragging. Then, all of the cool dolphins will want to mate with humans. That's a future I don't think I'm ready for.