By Chris Cosci

It was another late night at the Furniture by Thurston manufacturing plant in Grass Valley, CA. A college student was working in the finishing booth, where the furniture is sprayed with a flammable chemical. He looked down and saw that his pants were covered in this flammable substance. With a cat-like sense of curiosity, he thought about what would happen if he put a cigarette lighter to his pants.

Of course, not even a cat would be dumb enough to act on that curiosity. However, this employee is not a cat. He is human - prone to error, open to misfortune and susceptible to bouts of bad judgment. Determined to fulfill this fateful trifecta, the employee used the lighter and applied the flame to his pants.

In the scientific community, it is common practice to perform experiments in order to test theories and discover how things work. However, I think it's safe to say that one doesn't need a college degree in scientific research to know how this little experiment turned out.

The pants caught on fire. I know what you're thinking, and let me assure you: yes, he was still wearing the pants when he set them on fire. I mean, what would be the point of setting your pants on fire if you're not even wearing them? That would be stupid.

With his legs engulfed in flames, the employee was unable to contain the fire, and parts of the building started to burn. The resulting fire brought in squads from the Nevada County Consolidated Fire District as well as the Ophir Hill and Peardale-Chicago Park Fire Departments. And just for good measure, the California Department of Forestry and Fire Protection joined in. I guess the Coast Guard wasn't available.

Furniture by Thurston manager Dan Slayton said he was baffled by his employee's actions. According to Slayton, the EMT confirmed that the employee was trying to ignite his pants with the lighter. Sure, this is probably what the employee told the EMT. But can we really believe somebody whose pants are on fire?

Slayton would not release the employee's name, presumably to either protect the person's privacy or to protect himself from having to admit the company actually hired this person. And given the recklessness of this employee's actions, you can safely assume that the employee would be fired, right? Actually, according to Slayton, the employee "hasn't reported to me, so I don't know his status."

Let's take a step back and look at the big picture. The employee decides to put a flame to his pants, which are clearly covered in a flammable chemical. In one of the least surprising outcomes of all time, the pants catch fire and wind up burning part of the building, destroying some of the furniture. And after all of that, there's a chance he won't even lose his job.

How could they possibly justify keeping him on staff? "Well, you set fire to our building and destroyed our merchandise, but you really know how to sand a coffee table - we'll see you on Monday!"

Say I go to work this week. I see a new stack of blue paper and think to myself, I wonder if blue paper burns as easily as white paper. Let me check. Better yet, let me make a little hat out of the blue paper and put it on my head before I light it. After the fire department comes and clears everything up, I am sure that my boss would waste no time calling me and my bald head into what used to be his office and swiftly telling me to find a new job.

Maybe I'm wrong. However, I'm not going to test that theory out. Besides, I don't even know how to make a paper hat.