By Chris Cosci

This June has been a big month for sports. Right now, the biggest sporting event in the world is taking place - soccer's World Cup. Every country in the world is watching it with great intensity. That is, every country except for the United States, which is now watching it with mild intensity because the U.S. team has actually won a few games.

This is not to say that there are no avid soccer fans in the United States. On the contrary, there are plenty of insane individuals who are willingly dragging themselves out of bed at 2:30 in the morning, just to watch a game. However, on the whole, the United States isn't as interested in soccer because we didn't invent it and, historically, we're not really that good at it.

Don't get me wrong. I like soccer. I think it's a great sport and I know a lot of people who are big fans. Also, I know that we have plenty of great soccer players, including the players who are representing us in the World Cup this year. (Hopefully, that paragraph will prevent U.S. soccer fans from bombarding me with e-mail.)

Aside from soccer, we have ice hockey. Ice hockey in June? You must think I've been spending too much time raiding the liquor cabinet. However, due to the inexplicable hockey season (which lasts practically all year long), the final games were played last weekend - long after people stopped caring. I bet even the managers were watching baseball while their team was playing.

For something more reasonable for the month of June, there's the U.S. Open. One of the most prominent golf tournaments, the U.S. Open was held this year on a public course on Long Island, in Farmingdale, NY. Long Island is world-renowned for its beaches, Amy Fisher and, most of all, traffic. While some may perceive the tournament as great for the economy, it's the boon to traffic that is most impressive. Local government will be hard-pressed to come up with a better plan to increase traffic. By increasing traffic, they finally had a use for their state-of-the-art traffic signs that, up until now, were used primarily to tell us to "Be Alert - Drive Safe." Our tax dollars - hard at work.

The tournament was won, unsurprisingly, by heavy favorite Tiger Woods. For winning the tournament, Woods received $1,000,000 and a really nice cup. Unfortunately for him, he missed out on an even better tournament that took place at the Hidden Valley Golf Club in Norco, California on Friday. In that tournament, you didn't have to win to walk away with a big prize.

Throughout the course, tents were set up along the fairways. After taking a few shots, golfers could kick back and relax by stepping into one of the many tents, where they would be welcomed by employees of the world's oldest profession. Yes, that profession.

It's easy to understand how one can become greatly aroused while playing golf (I'm sure there are plenty of jokes I could insert here involving balls, long clubs and holes-in-one, but I will just leave those alone). Setting up sex stands on the course certainly sounds like a logical course of action, right? At least they didn't conduct their business in the sand traps.

Anyway, a few weeks prior to the tournament, the local sheriff's office received phone calls about scantily clad women running around the golf course. The sheriff's deputies spent three weeks keeping the course under surveillance. That must have been a tough operation. Three weeks of staring at women through binoculars and video cameras.

Finally, after much "investigation," they learned that the club was holding a tournament, and they scheduled a raid during the tournament. Around 100 golfers were detained and questioned, and six arrests were made.

So, maybe it was better that Tiger Woods chose the U.S. Open over the Sexcapade Invitational. After all, a golf course seems such a ridiculous place for this type of behavior. Now, if they set up tents at hockey arenas, maybe then we'd have a reason to watch ice hockey in June.