By Chris Cosci

We're under attack. Our bodies, our homes, even the air we breathe. Nothing is safe from this assault, and nobody is doing anything to stop it. The invasion comes in a variety of shapes and sizes -- in tubes, cans and spray bottles. Household cleaners and health care products are the attackers, and we are the targets.

In general, people use household products for cleaning. However, scientists have been working overtime to mutate them, turning them into technologically altered wonder products. These products don't just clean our homes anymore. Instead, they fight stains, destroy odors and battle soap scum. All that's missing is a cape and a secret identity.

These products are marketed as having powers that seem rather incredible for inanimate objects. One product, Resolve, is said to be able to penetrate deeply into carpets, at which point it actually breaks down strains and lifts them out of the carpet. How have scientists created a liquid that physically lifts stains from carpets? And why does nobody seem particularly surprised by this ability?

Taking things a step further, scientists have also helped develop air fresheners that don't merely cover odors. Instead, the air fresheners are specially formulated to actively seek out odors and eliminate them. One brand, Oust, is scientifically designed to locate odor-causing bacteria, kill them and carry them out of the air.

It's one thing for a product to contain a chemical that can kill bacteria; however, the idea of a liquid substance that can perform seek-and-destroy missions sounds like something out of a science fiction story. Yet here we are, spraying such a substance in our homes on a daily basis.

It's not just household cleaners, either. Toothpaste is another source of high-tech scientific engineering. A new line of Aquafresh toothpaste is designed with what's called "micro-active foaming action." The foaming action is designed to search for hard-to-reach places. I'm not exactly sure how the foam determines what's hard-to-reach and what's not. I guess that's why the scientists get paid the big bucks.

When the toothpaste finds the hard-to-reach place, it switches over to superhero mode, fighting bad breath and making the mouth a safer place to live again... unless you're bacteria; then the toothpaste probably turns into an air-fresheneresque killing machine. Those bacteria just can't catch a break.

Sometimes a product just can't be altered enough to create the ultimate fighting machine. In those cases, scientists will create miniature products that do the heavy work. Then these miniature products will be infused into the original to create a monstrous hybrid, ready to take on the dirt and grime of the world.

One such product is Garnier Fructis, a regular shampoo filled with "nourishing fruit micro-oils." These micro-oils are designed to "specifically respond to the needs of frizzy, dry, difficult-to-smooth hair." Now, we have products that not only fight and destroy, but also respond to our hair's needs. They're microscopic psychiatrists.

There doesn't seem to be an end to the madness. One by one the items on our drug store shelves are taken into Dr. Frankenstein's lab and brought to life. Lurking in our medicine cabinets and storage closets, household products are preparing for the battle ahead. For all we know, these products are forming an alliance and getting ready to take over the world.

Okay, that's probably not going to happen. Besides, world domination by inanimate objects is already fated for computers. Cleaning products will just have to be content with being our servants -- unless scientists find a way to give them feelings. Then we're in real trouble.