By Chris Cosci

A couple of days ago, I came down with a summer cold. In describing my condition, I told somebody that I was feeling "under the weather." People always say this, but like all too many phrases in the English language, it doesn't seem to make any sense. How does one go about getting under the weather? Given that most weather comes from the sky (e.g., the heat of the sun, the rain from the clouds), aren't we always under the weather?

I decided to do some research and find the answer to this life-and-death mystery. After all, it seems absurd that so many people would use this saying, having no idea what it means. But if our society has a problem even greater than its overuse of archaic sayings that don't make any sense, it's our inability to agree on where the saying came from in the first place.

Depending on what resource you check, there are two possible origins. One states that it's an abbreviation of the phrase "under the influence of the weather." This is saying that we are ill because our health has been influenced by the weather. The other origin is nautical in nature. It states that if someone was sick at sea, they would go below the deck to get better - below the deck being "under the weather."

But nobody knows for sure which version is correct, if either is. For all we know, somebody just made the expression up and it means absolutely nothing. These so-called "origins" could have been made up after the fact to justify our usage of the phrase. If this is true, what is to stop us from coming up with new phrases whenever we feel like it? In that case, I will never use the phrase "under the weather" again. Instead, the next time I'm sick, I'll say that I'm "slipping the donkey."

While there are some sayings that don't make sense on the surface, there are others that do, but still practically beg for an explanation. For example, when we find out that we can't do something the way we thought we could, we'll sometimes say "there's more than one way to skin a cat." Really, how many ways does one need?

A commonly accepted origin says that "cat" refers to the "catfish," which has a tough skin that needs to be removed before cooking. For most people, this would make the phrase a little more palatable. And if that's the case, would it really have been so much trouble to add the extra syllable and say "to skin a catfish"?

But when you think about it, this is still a disturbing phrase. There's more than one way to do a lot of things. What makes skinning a cat or a catfish the ideal comparison? Couldn't we say "there's more than one way to tie a knot"? That seems to avoid the whole "animal cruelty" issue.

While most of these phrases have some sort of origin, disputed or not, there are some that just seem to defy explanation. For example, take "cute as a button." Not only does this phrase make no sense, nobody seems to have any idea where it came from. At some point in time, somebody must have come up with this analogy. But I have seen a lot of buttons in my life, and I can't remember ever thinking to myself, "boy, those buttons sure are cute."

These phrases and sayings have simply become a part of our language. The idea behind them isn't important, as long as we all agree on the meaning. It's like our own little tradition. And we'll keep using them from now to eternity.

Perhaps other people don't find this as unusual as I do. Maybe my sickness has affected the way I think, and my mind has become obsessed with these strange sayings. If that's the case, I'll just keep loading myself up with medication. Pretty soon, I should be back to normal and fit as a fiddle - whatever that means.