By Chris Cosci

A couple of months ago, I wrote about a dolphin in England that was trying to mate with tourists. Not to be outdone by a dolphin, other animals have decided to turn the ritual of mating into something newsworthy.

In British Columbia, a Canada goose by the name of Bruce has fallen in love. He is obsessed with his newfound love and almost never leaves its side. He didn't fly south for the winter, he doesn't socialize with other birds, and he is very protective of his beloved.

Of course, the fact that the object of his desire is an 80-horsepower outboard motor doesn't seem to bother him in the least. Dolphins trying to mate with humans is weird enough, but trying to imagine a goose hitting on electrical equipment is just a little too much to handle.

Mike Cooke, the owner of the boat that features this adored motor, has started to accept Bruce as a member of the family. Although Bruce can become possessive (he's been known to peck at the hands of people trying to start the motor), Cooke sees him as a sort of guard bird. Cooke claims, "it would take me years to train a dog to do what he does." Sure, but try training the bird not to leave droppings on the seats and see where that gets you.

Unlike Bruce, other animals have decided to stick with living creatures as their companions. In most cases, they actually have the gall to mate with their own species. For example, take the manatee. Manatees have a strange way of mating. It starts when a group of up to twenty males spots a female. In a scene that eerily reflects human behavior at nightclubs, the males approach the female, possibly using cheap pickup lines, each hoping to become the father of her children. Again, reflecting human behavior, the female rejects them all and runs away to avoid the males.

Manatees, though, are known for their persistence, which explains why they continually swim in the exact same area of water despite being hit again and again by the same boat. The males will continue to follow the female for days, and sometimes weeks, until she finally gives in. The female will even go so far as to beach herself and cover up her private regions, giving her a chance to rest. Recently, in Florida, one such female made her way to shore. Then, out of the water, five male manatees followed and continued trying to win over the female on the beach. It was an impressive spectacle for the locals, who all started grabbing their cameras to document this monumental event. I'm sure those photos will make great conversation at their next party.

Still, any animal can attract an audience by procreating, which is really kind of disturbing. However, it takes an animal with real power to use their mating to prevent major projects from being completed. In New Jersey, workers were ready to replace the Cherry Hill Bridge when the project was suddenly put on hold. The reason? It is against state laws to disturb the area during turtle-mating season. As it turns out, the turtles in the area are protected by the state and the bridgework could pose a threat to them. It's possible that the work would stir up silt, which could kill the turtles. Although not confirmed by scientists, it is strongly believed that death would seriously interfere with the mating process.

These are just a few instances of animals turning natural instinct into intrigue. I'm sure that other creatures in the animal kingdom will soon become jealous of how much attention their colleagues are receiving. They'll be fighting for coverage and journalists will be sent far and wide to cover these stories of lust and desire. I'm sure that people in Hollywood and Washington D.C. will appreciate these stories focusing on someone else for a change.