By Chris Cosci

There are some who say this world is going to the dogs. By the looks of it, they may be right. Everywhere you look, some company is developing a new product or service that projects a human lifestyle on dogs. There's clothing for dogs, including jackets, vests, and boots. There are dog food bakeries that create cakes and pastries specifically for dogs. And there are even dog psychiatrists, which are psychiatrists for dogs, not dogs who are psychiatrists - although that wouldn't really surprise me, either.

But with all of this personification of our canine companions, do we really understand how our dogs feel and what they think? What if we had a device that could read their minds and translate their thoughts? Of course, any good dog owner knows that this device already exists. It was released last year in Japan and was recently introduced in the United States. Named one of Time Magazine's most innovative inventions of 2002, it's called the Bowlingual and it's one of the most popular gadgets in Japan.

For those who have not seen it, the Bowlingual consists of a small microphone that attaches to a dog's collar. The microphone records growls, barks, and other vocal sounds and transmits them to a handheld device that translates the sounds into basic English phrases like "I'm feeling great" and "Come on, play with me." Unfortunately, "I'm sorry I peed on the rug" is not one of the pre-determined phrases found in the Bowlingual's database.

Nonetheless, Takara Co., the company that created the Bowlingual, is moving forward with its newest product, the Meowlingual. Designed for cats (in case that wasn't obvious), the Meowlingual will have to overcome the obstacle of seeming derivative. After all, the name Bowlingual was a clever play on words, sharply taking a word for a human's ability to speak two languages and turning it into a bark-worthy pun. Meowlingual just plagiarizes that original idea and turns it into something trite. They could have at least come up with something new, like "Commeownicator."

Uninspired name aside, the Meowlingual has one major difference from its canine counterpart: it doesn't strap onto the cat's collar. Instead, you have to hold the machine's microphone up to the cat and hope it speaks. Yeah, right. Apparently the creators forgot that cats have no intention of cooperating with humans. With any luck, you'll be able to get a sound from your cat without having one of your arteries clawed open.

In any case, pet lovers will scoop these gadgets up as fast as Takara Co. can make them. The question is, do we really need them? Personally, I don't have a hard time figuring out the subtle nuances of pet's emotions. For example, when I visit my family, I don't need a translator to know what my sister's dog is thinking - "cookie, cookie, cookie!!!"

And if dogs are easy to figure out, cats can be even easier. You have "I'm sleeping - leave me alone," "I'm angry - leave me alone," and "I despise you - leave me alone." And you can't forget the easiest one, "I'm hungry, feed me now - then leave me alone."

Many people were initially skeptical about the accuracy of the Bowlingual. But after some testing, most were surprised with how well they thought it worked. So, these dog owners knew how their dogs were feeling. Then they looked at the Bowlingual and saw that it came up with the same emotions. Doesn't this mean that the dog owners were perfectly capable of reading their dog's emotions without the help of the Bowlingual?

Apparently, given how successful the Bowlingual has been, this doesn't matter. The real question is whether or not the Meowlingual can follow in its predecessor's pawsteps. If it does, can we expect a sudden expansion in pet-related translators? What about fish, parakeets, and gerbils? Actually, if you want the most success, create a machine that translates the things people are really thinking. Now that would be worth the investment.