By Chris Cosci

Love must be in the air. With Virgin Airlines grounding their new planes to fix the changing tables in the bathrooms, people have been forced to find new places for a quick thrill on public transportation. For three people in New York, the choice was the Long Island Rail Road.

On Saturday, September 21, Lyle Green, his wife Francine, and his brother Dennis were in New York City, soaking up the night life, while soaking up some alcohol. Their wild night finally came to a close in time for them to catch a train back home at 6:05 in the morning. But for them, the party was just getting started.

After the train departed from Penn Station, passengers were treated to a performance that would normally cost them a few bucks in Times Square. One conductor, who claims to have witnessed the event (he probably had a front row seat), described what he saw in explicit detail. I will not go into those details here, but he did say that the wife's pants were down and she was clearly engaged in activities with both men.

At this point, the story has a few quirks that make it both fascinating and disturbing at the same time. First off, these acts were reportedly being performed in one of the train's triple seats. I ride the Long Island Rail Road every weekday, and I will tell you that those triple seats are not very generous with space. They could have at least made themselves more comfortable in one of the five-seat sections.

Also, as I mentioned before, the three people involved were a man, his wife, and his brother. I'm pretty close with my brother, but this is ridiculous. It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "brotherly love."

But the story doesn't end there. The threesome has two lawyers, one representing the husband and wife, and one representing the brother. The lawyer for the brother has come up with a rather unimaginative defense. He claims that the brother was asleep while this situation was supposedly happening around him. If this is really the case, he certainly has a more active lifestyle in his sleep than most people have when they're awake.

However, it's the lawyer for the husband and wife who has come up with a defense that defies explanation, and brings all reasonable thought to a grinding halt. He is using an incredible diversion tactic to turn the tables in favor of his clients. He is asking (and I am not making this up) that instead of frowning upon his clients' behavior, we should be praising them for riding the train instead of driving home drunk.

That's right. Ignore the fact that they were lewdly touching each other in public on a train used by millions of people each day. Ignore the indecency, and look at their contribution toward the betterment of society. He said, "they were at a party. They were drinking. It shows that they are responsible. If more people did that, we'd have fewer problems on the road."

Why stop there? Why not tell us how proud we should be that they weren't playing with firearms? And hey, they weren't walking around afterwards stealing money from people. These three are saints!

What exactly is this lawyer's definition of responsible? Just because you make the decision not to drive while intoxicated doesn't mean you have carte blanche to go at it on a train. A taxi, maybe, but not a train.

As a frequent commuter, it bothers me to think that some people were using the railroad as a substitute for a cheap motel. And now, every time I take my seat, I have to wonder if I'm sitting in the same section. Maybe I should start riding the bus.