By Chris Cosci

Scientists around the world are constantly conducting research to solve some of our biggest problems. They're developing vaccines for serious diseases, making transportation safer and more reliable, and creating new technology to make special effects in movies look more realistic. However, there is one area where they have succeeded to an excessive degree: packaging.

There used to be a time when opening a bag of chips required nothing more than two hands. Now, scientists have discovered industrial strength adhesives and sealers that make opening bags a rigorous activity. Instead of simply pulling the bag open, you need scissors, a couple of knives and, in some cases, a blowtorch.

Of course, it isn't enough to make packages difficult to open. They have to be creative and come up with an elaborate packaging design that requires multiple steps before consumers can actually access the product. One example of this is CDs.

The first attempt at a hard-to-open package for CDs was called the "long box." These boxes held the CD, completely wrapped in plastic, in the top half. The bottom half was pure cardboard and performed no recognizable function. Supposedly there were designed to fit and be visible in bins traditionally used for LPs. I think they were just trying to toy with consumers.

After a few years, a rash of common sense afflicted the recording industry. Before they were able to recover and start acting irrationally again, they decided to get rid of the long box. Of course, this made the packaging industry very upset, because now people only needed to get through a simple layer of plastic. So, they came up with an evil scheme.

First, they improved upon the plastic wrapping by making sure there are no visible edges to pull. Instead, you have to keep picking at the miniscule folds in the wrapping until, in a triumphant moment of victory, you finally break through and tear the wrapping off. And just when you think you've won the battle, you realize you still can't open the case. That's when you're hit by the full force of their diabolical plan.

Underneath that plastic coating, the CD case is sealed shut by a sticker across the top, designed by malicious workers who hate mankind. This sticker uses a special adhesive that does not allow it to be removed in one piece. Instead, you have to pull it off in thin strips. No matter how hard you try, you usually need at least ten to fifteen attempts to finally get that sticker off.

Still, opening CDs is like a day in the park compared to opening children's toys. My nieces have received toys and dolls that are securely fastened in their boxes by twist ties, staples and even screws. Plus, spare parts come in small bags composed of the world's most indestructible plastic. You can pull, stretch and tear at them, and they still won't break. If you ever see a parent with a full toolkit including pliers, screwdrivers, socket wrenches and a hacksaw, they may not be assembling anything. They might just be trying to get Barbie out of her box.

If it's sadistic packaging you want, look no further than men's button-down shirts. First of all, packaged shirts come with loads of extra filling. The shirt is wrapped around cardboard, which is wrapped with tissue paper. There's another piece of cardboard in the collar, a plastic piece around the collar buttons, and plastic stakes in the ends of the collar. But that's not the worst part. The shirt is held closed with roughly 40,000 pins. Trying to unfold a wrapped shirt is like trying to solve a puzzle. Every time you find one pin, a small part of the shirt is released. With each pin you see a little more of the full shirt. Eventually, the entire shirt is revealed, and you still have to look for stray pins. If you don't find all of the pins, they'll eventually be discovered when you actually wear the shirt. It may be painful, but that's the price you pay for good packaging.

Perhaps if people put as much dedication into other causes as they do into complex packaging, we could get more accomplished. Then again, maybe there are scientists using new technology to develop special tools specifically designed to open the complex packages. It could be a conspiracy to drive the world crazy. If that's the case, they just might be successful.