By Chris Cosci

Music can really help set the mood of a room. Sometimes you can sit back, kick your feet up, and relax with a little jazz or classical music playing in the background. Other types of music can be invigorating, prompting you to tap your feet, dance around, and sing at the top of your lungs. Of course, there is one type of music that makes me want to curl up in a ball and cover my ears to prevent myself from going slowly insane - children's music.

Actually, let me clarify that. It's not the actual music that bothers me; it's when the songs are performed by a group of children.

There are a lot of choices these days for children's music. Many albums feature artists who sing simple, fun songs for kids in a kind, melodic voice. Sometimes the artist is a well-known pop star who has created an album specifically for children. Other times, it's a musician who regularly creates children's albums.

For example, my nieces love Raffi, one of the most popular current children's artists. Raffi sings songs that are often silly, and usually fun, for children to sing along to. Of course the downside to these albums is that the children usually like to play them over and over and over again until all you hear, 24 hours a day, are the same twenty songs - kind of like a pop radio station, only without commercial breaks.

After the hundredth playing of the album, the song starts to seep into your subconscious where, no matter how hard you try, it stays for months at a time. Then one day, you're sitting in a business meeting, and you start singing to yourself, "down by the bay, where the watermelon grows, back to my home, I dare not go..." And you can't stop it. You try to think of another song - any other song - but you can't. You just keep singing. "For if I do, my mother will say, have you ever seen a llama wearing pajamas?" And when the song is done, it doesn't just go away. No. It just keeps repeating. That's when the madness kicks in. (And for anyone who knows the song I'm referring to above, I apologize, because I know that now you're going to be singing it for the next three weeks.)

Seriously, albums such as Raffi's are actually great for children (just remember to buy more than one). But that's not my point. What really irritates me are albums of songs sung entirely by a bunch of kids. These albums are usually advertised on television with an announcer who cheerily tells you, "this albums contains over 100 of your favorite children's songs, all on two CDs." This announcer may or may not be the devil himself. The commercial then lists a bunch of songs on the CD while clips of the songs are played in the background. Suddenly, you hear a wild pack of kids singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider."

At some point in time, some person decided that the sound of a group of children singing children's songs was cute. This person was probably deaf. The truth is, there are few sounds in music that have the same ability to crawl under your skin within seconds. Most kids usually don't possess some of the primary skills needed to perform these songs - like pitch. Not that I expect kids to sing like the Three Tenors, but why do I need to subject myself to this torture when there are so many other options.

Some of you are probably thinking, "sure, you say that now, but I bet you love it when your nieces sing songs." And you know what, you're right. I do think they're cute. But there's a difference. First of all, there are only two of them. Second of all, they sing one song, and that's it. I'll tell you the truth: if somebody gave me a CD of my nieces singing children's songs and had me listen to it for hours on end, I'd probably want to take it and toss it across the room until it burst into a million pieces.

I like kids - really. I have nothing against them, and I strongly encourage them to take part in music programs and learn how to sing. But for the love of all that is good, please leave the recording to trained musicians.