By Chris Cosci

I think that every college and university has the same goal: to get as much money from its students as possible. It starts with the constantly rising tuition costs, which is padded with housing costs, meal plans, and technology fees.

Then, there are the textbooks, one of the biggest moneymakers for any institution. It's not enough that one book can cost you as much as a new DVD player, but they also sell the same books every year, only "updated" to be sold at more exorbitant prices. The same book that sold for $85 last year is now selling, in its revised 23rd edition, for $95. This new edition is virtually the same as the previous edition, except that chapters nine and ten are switched and a new font is used in the table of contents.

After you graduate, the true purpose of the school becomes even more apparent. Schools will constantly contact their alumni for donations. They will call you. They will send you mail. If it were legal, I'm sure they would send representatives to your home with donation cups. They want you to be the gift that keeps on giving.

But they don't stop at donations. They have a long-term strategy that starts while you're still at the school. They start by constantly enforcing the idea that everybody at the school is part of one big family. They encourage pride and commitment to your school family. Once you develop that strong connection, you start proudly displaying your dedication.

And that's where the system kicks in - at the campus store. To help you show off your school allegiance, they sell everything stamped with the college logo. And whatever they can't put the logo on, they produce in the school colors. You can literally dress head to toe in college clothes, from hats to gloves to socks. They sell pens and pencils, mugs, and key chains. And because they're selling special products with the school logo, they can sell them at twice the normal prices.

But they don't just sell things for the average college student. No, they make sure to keep selling you things well after you graduate. So, they start selling bigger and more elaborate items. For just $85, you can get Notre Dame salad servers. For $110, you can buy a nice Princeton desk clock. And $350 will get you a Boston College rocking chair. What more could you want?

For the answer to that question, you can ask the alumni of the University of Missouri in Columbia. The program director for licensing has recently hired a company to produce University of Missouri coffins. That's right - coffins. Apparently, they're trying to bring the term "school spirit" to a whole new level.

The company, Collegiate Memorials, has actually been making college-themed coffins for over a year. President Scott Walston says, "it's one more way to support your school." And what could say support more than putting your body in a coffin with your college's insignia sewn into the velvet lining, placing that coffin six feet below ground, and covering it in dirt? Walston insists that people should not be so negative about the idea. He claims that it's a way of recognizing what the college helped them achieve in life. I guess this is just in case the salad servers ever fall apart.

It seems that colleges have now found a way to get even more money from their alumni, even in the afterlife. But Walston points out that most people don't buy the coffin for themselves. I suppose that would be quite a feat. He says that most of his buyers are the children or other relatives. When asked whether or not the alumni made the request before dying, he admits, "not really." And thus, the college starts collecting from a whole new generation of family.

It's an endless cycle. And talking about cycles, I'm sure there's a college out there somewhere that sells one with the school logo on it.