By Chris Cosci

The end of the year is a time to reflect on all that happened throughout the past twelve months. It's also a time to look ahead and think about what's in store for us over the next twelve months. As I did last December, I offer some predictions for the coming year.

1. In order to avoid any protests from the FCC, the female dancers at this year's Super Bowl will be wearing long pants, turtleneck sweaters and parkas.

2. In February, stores will finally be fully stocked with one of this year's hottest toys, Robosapiens. By then, nobody will care and the ones that were bought as gifts this year will be found at the bottom of the toy chest, collecting dust next to Furby and Tickle Me Elmo.

3. A record number of people will turn out for American Idol auditions. Unfortunately, more people will show up trying to be the next William Hung than the next Fantasia. Even more unfortunately, those people will get the most publicity.

4. With the NHL still in a lockout, hockey fans will turn to professional curling for entertainment. Curling will prove to be a cultural phenomenon. By the end of the year, the NCL (that would be the National Curling League, of course) will be formed and curling will become the next major sporting event.

5. Star Wars -- Episode III will finally hit theaters. It will be slammed by critics, abhorred by devoted fans and used as a punch line for dozens of late-night talk show jokes. Nonetheless, it will still make a ton of money at the box office and be considered a major success.

6. The low-carb trend will begin to fade away and be replaced by a new fad diet -- something like the low-partially-hydrogenated-soybean-oil diet. As the trend catches on, supermarkets will set up new sections in the store specifically to accommodate reduced partially hydrogenated soybean oil products, and fast food restaurants will start offering low partially hydrogenated soybean oil alternatives.

7. After finally ending their 86-year curse, the Boston Red Sox will follow their amazing World Series victory with yet another second-place finish to the Yankees in the AL East Division. This will prompt the always sportsmanlike, good-natured and never bitter Yankees fans to chant, "See you again in 2090."

8. The new TV shows for the fall season will include a bunch of new sitcoms, most of which will be awful. At least three of them will be canceled before the end of the year. Also, due to the strong performance of ABC's "Lost," other networks will try to duplicate that success with lame copies such as "Stranded" and "Marooned." They will fail miserably.

9. Oprah Winfrey will reach the peak of her generosity by giving each of her audience members one of the United States. ("You get Virginia! You get Nevada! You get Ohio!")

10. At least five celebrities will be arrested for drug possession. Another four will get married, and then file for divorce within twelve months. Three will be featured on the cover of the National Enquirer for eating too much and looking horribly overweight. Two will get into minor car accidents while DUI. And one will be the defendant in a high-profile court case. Meanwhile, all of them will still remain role models to children around the world.

There they are. Only time will tell if any or all of these predictions come true. I have twelve months, so that gives me pretty good odds. And that's about all I have to say until next year. Enjoy the rest of 2004, and may 2005 bring another year of happiness for you and your family. As for me, may it bring another year of people doing outrageously stupid things. Something tells me I have no need to worry.